I Got Old

On Saturday we went to Disney to enjoy some family time and celebrate another year of me being here on Earth. It was my 30th birthday.

We did some great stuff! We met Mickey. 

We rode the carousel. 

We broke the Winnie the Pooh ride. 

We got extra fast passes. 

We rode the Ariel ride. 

I ate Dole whip. 

The big kids rode Big Thunder Railroad. And we all made it to watch the fireworks.

My child had a meltdown in the middle of the day because of lack of nap time but overall she did well. Overall, with nine adults and four kids, we did really well! Nobody (other than the infant of the group) had a meltdown, or was mad at anyone else, or whined too much. I consider it a success!

I really loved getting to spend the day with family and one of my best friends. I enjoyed taking my little girl around Disney, even if she won't remember it. I loved getting to spend time with the people I love.
Despite some spit up and a lack of naps, it was a great way to kick off 30!


New Perspective: Surgery

So the other week I was sitting in church, listening to the message.  It was about being children of God and that's when it hit me. While my daughter may be MY daughter, before she was ever my daughter, she is a child of God.  He dreamed her up and created her.  

I've had so many fears about this upcoming surgery. I know it will be tough.  Tough to see her go through surgery and to see her in pain, when I can do next to nothing about it. Tough to be stuck at the hospital. Tough to trudge through the long road to recovery. But my biggest fear has been losing her. Having some complication and going home without our little girl.  And let me be clear, if this were to happen, I would be devastated. But devastated with sense of peace too. 

She is God's child first.  He created her and one day (sooner or later) He'll call her home. I can only request that He make her return home much MUCH later, but should it be sooner, I must trust in His plan. 

It is this thought that gives me a sense of peace going into surgery.

As I begin to prepare to go to the hospital, every cuddle is precious, every squeeze that much more meaningful.  My fear hasn't ceased to exist but it is contained knowing that God is in control. 


Ugh... Surgery.

I'm so stinkin' anxious about surgery.

I fear the worst - that something will go wrong and she'll come out of surgery with more issues than she went in or that her sweet personality will be changed by it or the worst, that we'll leave that hospital without our little girl.

I hope that I can be more composed and prepared this time but who knows. I already want to pack just because it's the only thing I can do to feel like I'm readying myself for it.
I've sat more than once with our little girl and cried. I love her to pieces and hate to see her go through these things. For them to put another scare on her little body, it just makes me hurt for her.

I love her just the way she is and can't imagine what she'll look like after surgery. It's a very strange concept to me. I know that the surgery is best for her - it closes her skull, making everyday life safer for her- but even knowing that I still hate that she has to do it.

Crossing my fingers that after this surgery we'll be staying away from the hospital for a while. They're awesome people but I don't enjoy being there.


Abriana: Four Months

I can't believe another month has gone by already!

Here's the Abriana update:

  • She weighs 12lbs. 4.4oz. (11%)
  • She's 24.5 inches tall (51%)
  • Her head circumference is 16.25 inches (69%)
  • enjoys taking naps while mommy runs
  • rolls from her front to her back
  • still not a fan of being on her belly even when she props herself up on her elbows
  • smiley most of the time. :)
  • just started to play with toys - just a little bit, when they're close by and can be put in her mouth
  • still working on rolling all the way over 
  • sits well in her bumbo and sometimes sits well if you hold down her hips - but this is still a little erratic
  • discovered her tongue and loves to show you it
  • loves to people and dog watch
  • if you cradle her and try to snuggle, she thinks you're going to put her to sleep and cries (she's not a fan of naps)
  • starting sleeping an 8 hour stretch at night

She's generally a joy to all around her.  She's quick to dole out a smile and doesn't mind meeting new friends. I love getting to be home with her and spend all day with her. I can't wait to see what she'll learn next! :)


My Daughter's Good Heart

We had a cardiologist appointment on the books since we left the NICU. We expected to go in and be cleared of all issues. I also expected the visit to last only an hour, unfortunately neither one of those happened.

After lots of crying, they finally got all blood pressure readings, EKG, measurements, and echo cardiogram readings they needed. I eventually got to talk with a nurse practitioner about the results. Two of the holes in her heart closed up. (Yea!) Unfortunately one of the holes is still there. (Boo) She has an arterial septal defect (ASD).  The top two chambers of her heart aren't separated by a wall like they should be so the blood feeds back into the right chamber, enlarging the chamber slightly. She called the enlargement mild and said if it doesn't close on its own they can do a simple procedure to help it close when she's three or four. She also said it wouldn't affect her future surgeries, which was good to hear.

I'm glad it's nothing serious but I was really hoping to check that doctor off the list. But for now she'll be monitored by them every three months.

After spending three and a half hours at All Children's already, I decided I should just waltz upstairs to visit the neurosurgery office to get her encephalocele repair surgery on the books while I was there. After some discussion, she's scheduled for surgery on February 5th at 8am.

I'm nervous as can be about it but am glad there's a date that can be planned for. More on that later.


Abriana: Three Months

Three months seemed to be a magical milestone for our little girl. Things we'd been waiting to see or working on with her seemed to click.

  • She holds her head up almost all the time.
  • She sits up fairly well but doesn't have good trunk control yet.
  • She loves motion - car rides, vibrating swings, and moving around when anyone's holding her.
  • She hates lying on her belly ('tummy time')even though she holds up her head fairly well.
  • She loves her bassinet and hates her crib.... We're trying to change that.
  • She visually tracks things.
  • She responds to voices and noises.
  • She loves to eat her hands.  
  • She's smiled since about 2 months but has recently become more responsive to people with it.
  • She's weighing in at over ten pounds but still hasn't hit her daddy's birth weight yet.

Day One - Three Months